So I had intended to post this a few days ago, but because of the nature of this ramble, I wanted to give it a few days and really make sure I had my thoughts organized and well-expressed.
As the weekend passed, so did the year anniversary of the Sandy Hook school shooting which claimed the lives of twenty children and six more adults. Since that shooting, nearly twenty more children have been claimed by school shootings. It is with a heavy heart that I read these reports, which regrettably seem to be popping up in the news with the frequency of sour weather reports in winter time. All too often. But I have something of a different reaction that pairs with my heavy heart: confused anger.
And it's not anger towards the situation itself, though I have been know to have my own Carlin-esque like rants towards these school shooters and their upbringing, which may be unfair to pigeon hole them and their parents the way that I do, but hey, that's what the First Amendment is there for, right? And I don't find myself angry at the politicians that give speeches and condolences and circulating eulogies after such terrors occur, and then, a week later, seemingly couldn't remember where they were or what they were saying to whom. No, I find myself angry at society. I find myself angry at society because, after all is said and done, after all the smoke from the news crew vans and press-mobiles have drifted upwards and cleared, after the stories have made their way from front-page-above-the-fold stories to seven pages back next to the high school sport scores and yard-sale listings, it is as if lake is back to normal.
When you throw a rock in a lake, there a period of disarray and chaos. Ripples. But after sometime, the ripples become less and less intrusive and defined until, finally, almost in the amount of time a blink takes, the lake is still again. Like no one had thrown a rock at all.
Now I will say that, after Sandy Hook, there was a lot of political debate and legislation that occurred, and frankly, no matter what side of the fence you are on about school safety, guns laws, concealed weapon laws, etc. I am glad so much talk happened.
But why is it us, the people who practice love and acceptance, oneness and tolerance, that are called the dreamers? Why is it that claim that love REALLY IS the strongest choice are called the radicals? Is it so wrong to dream that there really is a bond out there that can unite us all? Now, I'm not saying that everyone drop their differences, throw on a bandana and some bell-bottoms, find a wheat field, and start frolicking hand-in-hand while 'Age of Aquarius' blasts through the airwaves. All I'm saying is start small. Practice small acts of love a day. Smile at one extra person. When you shake someone's hand, really be there with them. Say hello to someone, someone that looks like they're having a bad day. Take public transportation? Compliment somebody on what they're wearing or the book they're reading while you're going from stop to stop.
People want to know that they exist, that they aren't just biding their time here and that can only come from the people that they are around everyday. It is proven that saying 'hello' to someone or smiling at a stranger will make their day and improve their mental state. So it is really that hard to change someone's life? No. It's not.
It is time that we stop being labeled as the dreamers. It is time that we start becoming the difference makers. Just because we don't have lobbyists and constituents and our faces on a 50 ft. billboard saying 'Vote For Me' and some cheesy, Hallmark-rejected slogan, doesn't mean that we don't have the ability to affect and inspire. Dreams do come true and the dreamers can become the doers.
Like John said, You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I'm not the only one angry at being laughed and scoffed at for what I believe in and what I think can be done. So join us. Beat the same heart. Breath the same breathe. Exercise the same love. And the world as two can then become one.
Ramble on my friends
Dave
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Thursday, November 21, 2013
I'll Have the Octopus...
I was looking through some old notes of an acting class I took on April 9th of this year and I came across a quote that the teacher said to everyone in the class. I remember the moment very clearly. The teacher asked the working actor what was their objective, what they wanted to get out of the monologue that they were performing. And the actor answered with a long, drawn out, rambling response, as this actor does from time to time when he hasn't fully thought out these questions and circumstances before doing the grit work. Then the acting teacher asked the actor about her (at least I think it was her, maybe it's not as clear as I thought) day.
'My day?' replied the actor, with heavy emphasis on MY as if to say 'You actually care about what happened to me? People like that are out there?' Then the actor moused about a description of her day. The teacher politely interrupted the actor, turned to the class, made eye contact with everybody in the room, and then uttered four of the coolest words I've ever heard anyone say:
Our lives are epic.
Our lives are epic. Talk about instilling power into someone. But it's true. Our lives truly are epic. We are given complete control to do whatever we want with them. We can study what we want, eat where we want, travel when we want and to where ever, make friends with anyone we want, etc. etc. etc. We just get so in the routine of our lives and so used to them that we start to believe that what we do a.) doesn't matter and b.) is of no interest or concern to anyone else.
This topic came to my mind initially last week when I did some background work on HBO's upcoming movie of the Tony-award winning play The Normal Heart. Now, to us actors, background work is considered pretty mindless work where we are shuffled around like sheep with the PAs as our sheepdogs and just fill the scene. Living scenery if you will. It's an easy way to make some extra shekels. Most actors would say that being background is boring, uninteresting, and monotonous, but it's a paycheck. But then I was at lunch last week on set and right across from me sat one of the actors on the movie. One of the lead actors. He was a very tall, robust, barrel-chested man with stark black hair with sprinkles of gray and a very welcoming British accent. Oh yea, his name also happens to be Alfred Molina.
I had lunch with Alfred-f***ing-Molina. Dr. Otto Octavius aka Doc Ock, Satipo from Raiders, and Tony-award nominee. Then it hit me. My life is epic. Maybe not to me, though, but to someone else, I just had the coolest day. I woke up, went to the Riverside Drive church to be on set for a movie to premier on HBO and had lunch (though I didn't say anything) with Alfred Molina.
So don't down play your life or your daily routine just because you think it is boring. Because, I'll bet you dollars to donuts, that to someone else, your day was eons more exciting and worth talking about than theirs. And their day might be that same to you. So take pride in what you do everyday and recognize that every meeting, every train ride, every chance encounter is just another addition to the plot of your own Odyssey.
And remember, you are always, ALWAYS someone else's most interesting person.
So what did you do today?
Abide and ramble on.
Stish
Rambling Soundtrack:
-'You Rascal You' by Louis Jordan
-'Up the Canyon' by The String Cheese Incident
-'I'll Be There For You' by Bon Jovi
'My day?' replied the actor, with heavy emphasis on MY as if to say 'You actually care about what happened to me? People like that are out there?' Then the actor moused about a description of her day. The teacher politely interrupted the actor, turned to the class, made eye contact with everybody in the room, and then uttered four of the coolest words I've ever heard anyone say:
Our lives are epic.
Our lives are epic. Talk about instilling power into someone. But it's true. Our lives truly are epic. We are given complete control to do whatever we want with them. We can study what we want, eat where we want, travel when we want and to where ever, make friends with anyone we want, etc. etc. etc. We just get so in the routine of our lives and so used to them that we start to believe that what we do a.) doesn't matter and b.) is of no interest or concern to anyone else.
This topic came to my mind initially last week when I did some background work on HBO's upcoming movie of the Tony-award winning play The Normal Heart. Now, to us actors, background work is considered pretty mindless work where we are shuffled around like sheep with the PAs as our sheepdogs and just fill the scene. Living scenery if you will. It's an easy way to make some extra shekels. Most actors would say that being background is boring, uninteresting, and monotonous, but it's a paycheck. But then I was at lunch last week on set and right across from me sat one of the actors on the movie. One of the lead actors. He was a very tall, robust, barrel-chested man with stark black hair with sprinkles of gray and a very welcoming British accent. Oh yea, his name also happens to be Alfred Molina.
I had lunch with Alfred-f***ing-Molina. Dr. Otto Octavius aka Doc Ock, Satipo from Raiders, and Tony-award nominee. Then it hit me. My life is epic. Maybe not to me, though, but to someone else, I just had the coolest day. I woke up, went to the Riverside Drive church to be on set for a movie to premier on HBO and had lunch (though I didn't say anything) with Alfred Molina.
So don't down play your life or your daily routine just because you think it is boring. Because, I'll bet you dollars to donuts, that to someone else, your day was eons more exciting and worth talking about than theirs. And their day might be that same to you. So take pride in what you do everyday and recognize that every meeting, every train ride, every chance encounter is just another addition to the plot of your own Odyssey.
And remember, you are always, ALWAYS someone else's most interesting person.
So what did you do today?
Abide and ramble on.
Stish
Rambling Soundtrack:
-'You Rascal You' by Louis Jordan
-'Up the Canyon' by The String Cheese Incident
-'I'll Be There For You' by Bon Jovi
Friday, November 8, 2013
Bueller, Bueller, Bueller
I've never fancied myself a poet really, but every so often something hits me while I'm on the subway or sitting in a holding room for an audition or at some other random between awake and sleep and this is what happens from it. Maybe they are good, maybe they are not, but they are here, and now they are for you.
Unfortunately, none of them have titles so....
This first one is about the mornings I wake up for auditions.
My marimba plays so close to my ear,
so early in the morning,
but so clear,
so soon after the escape where my mind meets my heart,
and they play the back and forth behind the shades
that if dared peered into could reveal a tell-all.
And as habit I find my train,
the sun up barely longer than I have,
and I sit among my movers and shakers,
my hustlers and goers,
the faces of my world,
though they are nameless they all have a part for me.
So I sit, tuning out my names, as songs of Fire and Rain,
and Carolina,
and Cooperline fill my ears,
dubbing a soundtrack for my morning warriors
And I do this because there's a door that begs to be opened,
And I do this because there's a window that sits slightly ajar,
letting in a draft of Thespis unanswered and untamed
And because I breathe
And because I eat
And because I sleep
And because I love
I need to do this.
And I will do it tomorrow and again.
Every Tuesday, I take a class at The Shakespeare Forum in Manhattan, and aside from finding my niche in this city with them, they have provided me with something that I had been lacking in my time before I met them: discovery. They helped reveal a few things about me, through performances with them and performances watched, that was waiting to be dusted off. This poem is about the first time I performed at one of their workshops and the feelings I had before and after. So to Tyler, Sybille, Claire, and Whitney...I thank you.
What's inside,
sewn together by the loose threads of
composure
are destined to fray
to reveal the person of fear,
words,
thought,
and ideas
forcing us to embrace it,
feel them,
pursue it,
and use them.
But to let go and submit completely,
to swan dive off,
When do you trust?
So you resew,
only to break them again,
and again embracing,
feeling,
pursuing,
and using.
But one day we jump.
And finally, as some of you may know, I am also pursuing a career in play-/screenwriting. Recently I have hit a spell of writer's block and, anyone that is a writer knows, it is damn right down frustrating. But then I wrote a poem about writers's block...kind of ironic, don't you think, Alanis?
Trying to rack my brain
for the words that come next.
But it depends on their behavior
and if my pen is willing to share.
Somedays it is kind and willing and open,
looking for a curious ear or a friendly eye,
always scribbing the thoughts
that otherwise stay inside.
But other times it is as if,
even new,
the cartridge runs empty with every stroke.
Too shy to share,
or as simple as not wanting to burden.
But today it seems there is something to say,
so I will let it go.
Again, I have no idea if these are any good, but they are here now. So thanks again for reading and I will see you all next time.
Abide and ramble on.
Stish
Soundtrack: "Something in the Air" by Thunderclap Newman, "Shambala" by Three Dog Night and "Rich Girl" by Hall & Oates
Unfortunately, none of them have titles so....
This first one is about the mornings I wake up for auditions.
My marimba plays so close to my ear,
so early in the morning,
but so clear,
so soon after the escape where my mind meets my heart,
and they play the back and forth behind the shades
that if dared peered into could reveal a tell-all.
And as habit I find my train,
the sun up barely longer than I have,
and I sit among my movers and shakers,
my hustlers and goers,
the faces of my world,
though they are nameless they all have a part for me.
So I sit, tuning out my names, as songs of Fire and Rain,
and Carolina,
and Cooperline fill my ears,
dubbing a soundtrack for my morning warriors
And I do this because there's a door that begs to be opened,
And I do this because there's a window that sits slightly ajar,
letting in a draft of Thespis unanswered and untamed
And because I breathe
And because I eat
And because I sleep
And because I love
I need to do this.
And I will do it tomorrow and again.
Every Tuesday, I take a class at The Shakespeare Forum in Manhattan, and aside from finding my niche in this city with them, they have provided me with something that I had been lacking in my time before I met them: discovery. They helped reveal a few things about me, through performances with them and performances watched, that was waiting to be dusted off. This poem is about the first time I performed at one of their workshops and the feelings I had before and after. So to Tyler, Sybille, Claire, and Whitney...I thank you.
What's inside,
sewn together by the loose threads of
composure
are destined to fray
to reveal the person of fear,
words,
thought,
and ideas
forcing us to embrace it,
feel them,
pursue it,
and use them.
But to let go and submit completely,
to swan dive off,
When do you trust?
So you resew,
only to break them again,
and again embracing,
feeling,
pursuing,
and using.
But one day we jump.
And finally, as some of you may know, I am also pursuing a career in play-/screenwriting. Recently I have hit a spell of writer's block and, anyone that is a writer knows, it is damn right down frustrating. But then I wrote a poem about writers's block...kind of ironic, don't you think, Alanis?
Trying to rack my brain
for the words that come next.
But it depends on their behavior
and if my pen is willing to share.
Somedays it is kind and willing and open,
looking for a curious ear or a friendly eye,
always scribbing the thoughts
that otherwise stay inside.
But other times it is as if,
even new,
the cartridge runs empty with every stroke.
Too shy to share,
or as simple as not wanting to burden.
But today it seems there is something to say,
so I will let it go.
Again, I have no idea if these are any good, but they are here now. So thanks again for reading and I will see you all next time.
Abide and ramble on.
Stish
Soundtrack: "Something in the Air" by Thunderclap Newman, "Shambala" by Three Dog Night and "Rich Girl" by Hall & Oates
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Walk Right Side of Road, Walk Left Side of Road
The title actually has nothing to do with the rest of the ramble's message...kind of.
Something very awesome happened today in my yoga class that I think begs to be shared. But let me go backwards. I have been working in restaurants on and off for nearly ten years now. I have done everything except get behind the line. I've bussed, ran, served, and tended bar. I've even hosted for a brief time. Though the restaurant industry has been very good to me and I've become rather good at it, ten years is a lot longer than the summer job it started out being. It was about a week ago that I decided to leave the restaurant industry and find financial stability in a field that is closer to my interests and provides equal, if not more, flexibility. Currently, I'm working between 5-6 days a week, amassing 60+ hours a week. I'm constantly tired, in pain, and unproductive with my writing. I find myself either skipping auditions or not committing to them because of my schedule.
That's not why I am in New York.
I am in New York to pursue my career and work on the side, not work and pursue my career on the side.
I was watching TV the other day and a personal favorite came on: The Karate Kid. The original. The one with the wickedly adorable Noriyuki 'Pat' Morita (not that Jackie Chan isn't cute and all). There is a scene when Daniel is celebrating his birthday with Mr. Miyagi and Mr. Miyagi talks about life having a balance. That life and all aspects of it must have a balance, a harmony, and then everything will be better. This is what got me thinking. My life was 85% work 15% career (auditions, writing, etc.). That is not balance. I was sacrificing my career for work. This is not balance. I knew there were ways out there to work, make money, and keep my career in the foreground. That is balance. This is what I decided I wanted.
My last day at my current job, the bar, will be not this Saturday but the following, and I have to be honest: I've never felt more at ease. This is not to disrespect the bar I am at. I've had a great time in the 2 months I've been there, which is how long they've been open. I more respect for my current GM than I have for anyone I've ever worked for and he has a great restaurant that will only take Astoria by storm, but I decided it is a ride that I didn't want to be on. But this feeling of ease has already paid off. Good things have been happening at an alarming rate for me and I honestly believe it is because I am starting to take care of myself and bring balance back to my life. To quote my first blog, I am practicing Ahimsa, the practice of doing no harm. I am starting to take care of the inside of me.
So at class today, something very awesome happened. I started sweating, but not my normal sweat load. It was like I was breaking some Amazonian fever. I was starting to sweat in the opening meditation. There were times I had to take a knee because I was getting over heated and felt I was going to pass out. And I was so happy for it.
Why?
Because it was all the stress and toxins and negative feelings I've had over the past who knows how long from overwork and under-pursuit. I was releasing myself (figuratively) of all the imbalance I've had in my life and just plugged through. It was truly an amazing experience.
So if something doesn't feel right in your life, chances are something truly isn't right. When a car's alignment isn't right, it veers to the left or right. It's not balanced. It doesn't have a straight path. When a tightrope walker holding one of those long balancing rods has more rod on one side than the other, the walker is going to tip over to the overloaded side. I wasn't tipping over, I was falling constantly. Not any more.
So listen to your life and acknowledge your heart. Find the balance because it is always there. My Dad always told me to be right with myself because no matter if you get married and however long that lasts, there is always one person that you wake up with everyday: You. You have to be right with yourself and do what makes you happy and the best You before you can be happy anywhere else.
To thine ownself be true (my personal mantra)
And to close it out, a little quote from Mr. Miyagi: "Whole life have a balance. Everything be better. Understand?
Abide and ramble on
Stish
Soundtrack: 'Frozen Man' by James Taylor, 'I'm Old Fashioned' by Judy Garland, 'Walking in Memphis' by Marc Cohn
The soundtrack are the songs that played while I was writing this ramble
Something very awesome happened today in my yoga class that I think begs to be shared. But let me go backwards. I have been working in restaurants on and off for nearly ten years now. I have done everything except get behind the line. I've bussed, ran, served, and tended bar. I've even hosted for a brief time. Though the restaurant industry has been very good to me and I've become rather good at it, ten years is a lot longer than the summer job it started out being. It was about a week ago that I decided to leave the restaurant industry and find financial stability in a field that is closer to my interests and provides equal, if not more, flexibility. Currently, I'm working between 5-6 days a week, amassing 60+ hours a week. I'm constantly tired, in pain, and unproductive with my writing. I find myself either skipping auditions or not committing to them because of my schedule.
That's not why I am in New York.
I am in New York to pursue my career and work on the side, not work and pursue my career on the side.
I was watching TV the other day and a personal favorite came on: The Karate Kid. The original. The one with the wickedly adorable Noriyuki 'Pat' Morita (not that Jackie Chan isn't cute and all). There is a scene when Daniel is celebrating his birthday with Mr. Miyagi and Mr. Miyagi talks about life having a balance. That life and all aspects of it must have a balance, a harmony, and then everything will be better. This is what got me thinking. My life was 85% work 15% career (auditions, writing, etc.). That is not balance. I was sacrificing my career for work. This is not balance. I knew there were ways out there to work, make money, and keep my career in the foreground. That is balance. This is what I decided I wanted.
My last day at my current job, the bar, will be not this Saturday but the following, and I have to be honest: I've never felt more at ease. This is not to disrespect the bar I am at. I've had a great time in the 2 months I've been there, which is how long they've been open. I more respect for my current GM than I have for anyone I've ever worked for and he has a great restaurant that will only take Astoria by storm, but I decided it is a ride that I didn't want to be on. But this feeling of ease has already paid off. Good things have been happening at an alarming rate for me and I honestly believe it is because I am starting to take care of myself and bring balance back to my life. To quote my first blog, I am practicing Ahimsa, the practice of doing no harm. I am starting to take care of the inside of me.
So at class today, something very awesome happened. I started sweating, but not my normal sweat load. It was like I was breaking some Amazonian fever. I was starting to sweat in the opening meditation. There were times I had to take a knee because I was getting over heated and felt I was going to pass out. And I was so happy for it.
Why?
Because it was all the stress and toxins and negative feelings I've had over the past who knows how long from overwork and under-pursuit. I was releasing myself (figuratively) of all the imbalance I've had in my life and just plugged through. It was truly an amazing experience.
So if something doesn't feel right in your life, chances are something truly isn't right. When a car's alignment isn't right, it veers to the left or right. It's not balanced. It doesn't have a straight path. When a tightrope walker holding one of those long balancing rods has more rod on one side than the other, the walker is going to tip over to the overloaded side. I wasn't tipping over, I was falling constantly. Not any more.
So listen to your life and acknowledge your heart. Find the balance because it is always there. My Dad always told me to be right with myself because no matter if you get married and however long that lasts, there is always one person that you wake up with everyday: You. You have to be right with yourself and do what makes you happy and the best You before you can be happy anywhere else.
To thine ownself be true (my personal mantra)
And to close it out, a little quote from Mr. Miyagi: "Whole life have a balance. Everything be better. Understand?
Abide and ramble on
Stish
Soundtrack: 'Frozen Man' by James Taylor, 'I'm Old Fashioned' by Judy Garland, 'Walking in Memphis' by Marc Cohn
The soundtrack are the songs that played while I was writing this ramble
Monday, October 28, 2013
The Push Off
Well. Here we are. Here I am. After several months of debating whether or not to even launch this puppy, I decided to jump on the deck, land on both feet, and push off the dock with my proverbial oar and just set sail. I've always wanted to keep some sort of journal, thought document, jot pad for my mind, etc. but never really got around to it. I also never really saw the point of keeping one of those if it never went beyond those pages and my eyes. Some people swear by journal writing and I have no judgements towards that or them, it was just never for me. Call it the writer or the performer in me, but if I were to write something, I wanted it to be read by someone and hopefully have it affect them in the way that it affected me to why I wrote it down in words.
That being said, here is the first ramble of many rambles.
I started practicing yoga when I was twelve or thirteen. I would go every Saturday with my mom to take from a dude named Moses (no lie). After about a year or so of fairly regular practice, I stopped. I don't remember why I did, but I did. Maybe because I was hitting that part of my adolescence that yoga should be considered weird with there being no reason why a fourteen year-old JOCK should be doing it. Besides, doing poses like 'Downward Facing Dog' and 'Pigeon' and 'Tree' and 'Upward Facing Dog' sounds like something you did in Pre-school to a Raffi sing-along tape right before you laid down on heavily sanitized plastic nap cushions...which are in the same family as gymnastic crash pads. Regardless, I guess I deemed it uncouth for a boy, advanced in puberty and already shaving, to do. So I stopped.
Fast forward to April 2013.
I am now twenty-four years old and living in Astoria, a neighborhood in the borough of Queens in the city of New York in the state of the same name. I am a graduate of Shenandoah Conservatory with a Bachelor's of Fine Arts in Acting and actively pursuing a fruitful and thriving career in acting and playwriting (and now screenwriting). I have been living in Astoria for over a year now and the early signs of wear and tear of an actor trying to 'make it' were starting to show. I was tired constantly, muttering obscenities to myself when someone was walking to slow on the side walk, and I started growing green hairs and considered living in a trash can.
Something had to change.
Every morning, or however often I chose to ride the subway, I would pass a sign that said 'The Giving Tree Yoga Studio'. It was next to a McDonald's. I haven't eaten McDonald's in ten years so most days I paid the 'The Giving Tree Yoga Studio' sign no mind. But one day, I finally decided to pay the mind. I signed up for my first yoga class in nearly ten years.
WHAT TOOK ME SO LONG?!?!?!
There is a term used in yoga called 'Ahimsa' which means to 'do no harm' or 'do not injure' including thoughts and words. This got me thinking about life outside of 'The Giving Tree Yoga Studio'. We, not only as a society, but as individuals do so much harm and damage to ourselves on an HOURLY basis, screw the daily. We are constantly critical of ourselves, often times to crippling levels. We don't go out and meet friends for a drink because we think nothing looks good on us or we eat a pint of ice cream and then are disgusted because of what we just did to ourselves. We are all guilty of this, myself included. Nothing that we do is ever good enough for ourselves. That is 'himsa', literally meaning to strike or to harm in Sanskrit.
My teacher challenged us to practice Ahimsa on ourselves in everyday life. He challenged us to be our friend, not our enemy. He challenged us to cheer us on, not to cut us down. He asked the class as we sat in Lotus (and my knee starting to throb with a dull pain) why it is that we only treat ourselves well when we feel we deserve, and why it must be in the form materials (manicures, clothes, a vacation, etc). Why can't we treat ourselves well in the emotional? Why can't the happiness stem from within and reach outside of us rather than trying to ingest any happiness that might be outside of us?
He asks some very good questions. Most of which are rhetorical but provoking.
I have my own ideas why we do this to ourselves, and I have worked very concertedly over the past few months to reverse this and actively practice Ahimsa in my everyday life. I tell myself that I am worth it. I am worth that date or that job or the time of that casting director. And all of you are too. And once you realize that it is possible to do good unto yourself, you can spread that lesson to those who may be suffering around you.
We are allowed to realize our own brilliance as well as the brilliance of those around us.
So as I conclude my first ramble, I challenge you, the reader, do adopt this practice into your life. Do a self check of your day and see where it is that you injure yourself and you may be surprised to see that it happens more than you think. See where it happens and tell yourself that, instead of injuring yourself, you can treat yourself. You can indulge and compliment yourself. You are allowed to take care of yourself. We all do dumb things, but we also do amazing things worthy of credit and acknowledgement. So recognize it and heal yourself.
Thanks for sticking with me through the ramble and (most likely) accumulated grammar flaws, but that's what I do and you'll get used to it. See you all next time.
Abide,
Stish
Ramble Soundtrack: "Eyes of the World" by The Grateful Dead
That being said, here is the first ramble of many rambles.
I started practicing yoga when I was twelve or thirteen. I would go every Saturday with my mom to take from a dude named Moses (no lie). After about a year or so of fairly regular practice, I stopped. I don't remember why I did, but I did. Maybe because I was hitting that part of my adolescence that yoga should be considered weird with there being no reason why a fourteen year-old JOCK should be doing it. Besides, doing poses like 'Downward Facing Dog' and 'Pigeon' and 'Tree' and 'Upward Facing Dog' sounds like something you did in Pre-school to a Raffi sing-along tape right before you laid down on heavily sanitized plastic nap cushions...which are in the same family as gymnastic crash pads. Regardless, I guess I deemed it uncouth for a boy, advanced in puberty and already shaving, to do. So I stopped.
Fast forward to April 2013.
I am now twenty-four years old and living in Astoria, a neighborhood in the borough of Queens in the city of New York in the state of the same name. I am a graduate of Shenandoah Conservatory with a Bachelor's of Fine Arts in Acting and actively pursuing a fruitful and thriving career in acting and playwriting (and now screenwriting). I have been living in Astoria for over a year now and the early signs of wear and tear of an actor trying to 'make it' were starting to show. I was tired constantly, muttering obscenities to myself when someone was walking to slow on the side walk, and I started growing green hairs and considered living in a trash can.
Something had to change.
Every morning, or however often I chose to ride the subway, I would pass a sign that said 'The Giving Tree Yoga Studio'. It was next to a McDonald's. I haven't eaten McDonald's in ten years so most days I paid the 'The Giving Tree Yoga Studio' sign no mind. But one day, I finally decided to pay the mind. I signed up for my first yoga class in nearly ten years.
WHAT TOOK ME SO LONG?!?!?!
There is a term used in yoga called 'Ahimsa' which means to 'do no harm' or 'do not injure' including thoughts and words. This got me thinking about life outside of 'The Giving Tree Yoga Studio'. We, not only as a society, but as individuals do so much harm and damage to ourselves on an HOURLY basis, screw the daily. We are constantly critical of ourselves, often times to crippling levels. We don't go out and meet friends for a drink because we think nothing looks good on us or we eat a pint of ice cream and then are disgusted because of what we just did to ourselves. We are all guilty of this, myself included. Nothing that we do is ever good enough for ourselves. That is 'himsa', literally meaning to strike or to harm in Sanskrit.
My teacher challenged us to practice Ahimsa on ourselves in everyday life. He challenged us to be our friend, not our enemy. He challenged us to cheer us on, not to cut us down. He asked the class as we sat in Lotus (and my knee starting to throb with a dull pain) why it is that we only treat ourselves well when we feel we deserve, and why it must be in the form materials (manicures, clothes, a vacation, etc). Why can't we treat ourselves well in the emotional? Why can't the happiness stem from within and reach outside of us rather than trying to ingest any happiness that might be outside of us?
He asks some very good questions. Most of which are rhetorical but provoking.
I have my own ideas why we do this to ourselves, and I have worked very concertedly over the past few months to reverse this and actively practice Ahimsa in my everyday life. I tell myself that I am worth it. I am worth that date or that job or the time of that casting director. And all of you are too. And once you realize that it is possible to do good unto yourself, you can spread that lesson to those who may be suffering around you.
We are allowed to realize our own brilliance as well as the brilliance of those around us.
So as I conclude my first ramble, I challenge you, the reader, do adopt this practice into your life. Do a self check of your day and see where it is that you injure yourself and you may be surprised to see that it happens more than you think. See where it happens and tell yourself that, instead of injuring yourself, you can treat yourself. You can indulge and compliment yourself. You are allowed to take care of yourself. We all do dumb things, but we also do amazing things worthy of credit and acknowledgement. So recognize it and heal yourself.
Thanks for sticking with me through the ramble and (most likely) accumulated grammar flaws, but that's what I do and you'll get used to it. See you all next time.
Abide,
Stish
Ramble Soundtrack: "Eyes of the World" by The Grateful Dead
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