I'll Have the Octopus...

I was looking through some old notes of an acting class I took on April 9th of this year and I came across a quote that the teacher said to everyone in the class.  I remember the moment very clearly.  The teacher asked the working actor what was their objective, what they wanted to get out of the monologue that they were performing.  And the actor answered with a long, drawn out, rambling response, as this actor does from time to time when he hasn't fully thought out these questions and circumstances before doing the grit work.  Then the acting teacher asked the actor about her (at least I think it was her, maybe it's not as clear as I thought) day.

'My day?' replied the actor, with heavy emphasis on MY as if to say 'You actually care about what happened to me?  People like that are out there?'  Then the actor moused about a description of her day.  The teacher politely interrupted the actor, turned to the class, made eye contact with everybody in the room, and then uttered four of the coolest words I've ever heard anyone say:

Our lives are epic.

Our lives are epic.  Talk about instilling power into someone.  But it's true.  Our lives truly are epic.  We are given complete control to do whatever we want with them.  We can study what we want, eat where we want, travel when we want and to where ever, make friends with anyone we want, etc. etc. etc.  We just get so in the routine of our lives and so used to them that we start to believe that what we do a.) doesn't matter and b.) is of no interest or concern to anyone else.

This topic came to my mind initially last week when I did some background work on HBO's upcoming movie of the Tony-award winning play The Normal Heart.  Now, to us actors, background work is considered pretty mindless work where we are shuffled around like sheep with the PAs as our sheepdogs and just fill the scene.  Living scenery if you will.  It's an easy way to make some extra shekels.  Most actors would say that being background is boring, uninteresting, and monotonous, but it's a paycheck.  But then I was at lunch last week on set and right across from me sat one of the actors on the movie.  One of the lead actors.  He was a very tall, robust, barrel-chested man with stark black hair with sprinkles of gray and a very welcoming British accent.  Oh yea, his name also happens to be Alfred Molina.

I had lunch with Alfred-f***ing-Molina.  Dr. Otto Octavius aka Doc Ock, Satipo from Raiders, and Tony-award nominee.  Then it hit me.  My life is epic.  Maybe not to me, though, but to someone else, I just had the coolest day.  I woke up, went to the Riverside Drive church to be on set for a movie to premier on HBO and had lunch (though I didn't say anything) with Alfred Molina.

So don't down play your life or your daily routine just because you think it is boring.  Because, I'll bet you dollars to donuts, that to someone else, your day was eons more exciting and worth talking about than theirs.  And their day might be that same to you.  So take pride in what you do everyday and recognize that every meeting, every train ride, every chance encounter is just another addition to the plot of your own Odyssey. 

And remember, you are always, ALWAYS someone else's most interesting person. 

So what did you do today?

Abide and ramble on.
Stish

Rambling Soundtrack:
-'You Rascal You' by Louis Jordan
-'Up the Canyon' by The String Cheese Incident
-'I'll Be There For You' by Bon Jovi

Bueller, Bueller, Bueller

I've never fancied myself a poet really, but every so often something hits me while I'm on the subway or sitting in a holding room for an audition or at some other random between awake and sleep and this is what happens from it.  Maybe they are good, maybe they are not, but they are here, and now they are for you.

Unfortunately, none of them have titles so....

This first one is about the mornings I wake up for auditions.

My marimba plays so close to my ear,
so early in the morning,
but so clear,
so soon after the escape where my mind meets my heart,
and they play the back and forth behind the shades
that if dared peered into could reveal a tell-all.

And as habit I find my train,
the sun up barely longer than I have,
and I sit among my movers and shakers,
my hustlers and goers,
the faces of my world,
though they are nameless they all have a part for me.

So I sit, tuning out my names, as songs of Fire and Rain,
and Carolina,
and Cooperline fill my ears,
dubbing a soundtrack for my morning warriors

And I do this because there's a door that begs to be opened,
And I do this because there's a window that sits slightly ajar,
letting in a draft of Thespis unanswered and untamed

And because I breathe
And because I eat
And because I sleep
And because I love
I need to do this.

And I will do it tomorrow and again.




Every Tuesday, I take a class at The Shakespeare Forum in Manhattan, and aside from finding my niche in this city with them, they have provided me with something that I had been lacking in my time before I met them: discovery.  They helped reveal a few things about me, through performances with them and performances watched, that was waiting to be dusted off.  This poem is about the first time I performed at one of their workshops and the feelings I had before and after.  So to Tyler, Sybille, Claire, and Whitney...I thank you.

What's inside,
sewn together by the loose threads of
composure
are destined to fray
to reveal the person of fear,
words,
thought,
and ideas
forcing us to embrace it,
feel them,
pursue it,
and use them.
But to let go and submit completely,
to swan dive off,
When do you trust?

So you resew,
only to break them again,
and again embracing,
feeling,
pursuing,
and using.

But one day we jump.



And finally, as some of you may know, I am also pursuing a career in play-/screenwriting.  Recently I have hit a spell of writer's block and, anyone that is a writer knows, it is damn right down frustrating.  But then I wrote a poem about writers's block...kind of ironic, don't you think, Alanis?

Trying to rack my brain
for the words that come next.
But it depends on their behavior
and if my pen is willing to share.

Somedays it is kind and willing and open,
looking for a curious ear or a friendly eye,
always scribbing the thoughts
that otherwise stay inside.

But other times it is as if,
even new,
the cartridge runs empty with every stroke.
Too shy to share,
or as simple as not wanting to burden.

But today it seems there is something to say,
so I will let it go.



Again, I have no idea if these are any good, but they are here now.  So thanks again for reading and I will see you all next time.

Abide and ramble on.
Stish

Soundtrack:  "Something in the Air" by Thunderclap Newman, "Shambala" by Three Dog Night and "Rich Girl" by Hall & Oates

Walk Right Side of Road, Walk Left Side of Road

The title actually has nothing to do with the rest of the ramble's message...kind of.

Something very awesome happened today in my yoga class that I think begs to be shared.  But let me go backwards.  I have been working in restaurants on and off for nearly ten years now.  I have done everything except get behind the line.  I've bussed, ran, served, and tended bar.  I've even hosted for a brief time.  Though the restaurant industry has been very good to me and I've become rather good at it, ten years is a lot longer than the summer job it started out being.  It was about a week ago that I decided to leave the restaurant industry and find financial stability in a field that is closer to my interests and provides equal, if not more, flexibility.  Currently, I'm working between 5-6 days a week, amassing 60+ hours a week.  I'm constantly tired, in pain, and unproductive with my writing.  I find myself either skipping auditions or not committing to them because of my schedule.

That's not why I am in New York.

I am in New York to pursue my career and work on the side, not work and pursue my career on the side.

I was watching TV the other day and a personal favorite came on:  The Karate Kid.  The original.  The one with the wickedly adorable Noriyuki 'Pat' Morita (not that Jackie Chan isn't cute and all).  There is a scene when Daniel is celebrating his birthday with Mr. Miyagi and Mr. Miyagi talks about life having a balance.  That life and all aspects of it must have a balance, a harmony, and then everything will be better.  This is what got me thinking.  My life was 85% work 15% career (auditions, writing, etc.).  That is not balance.  I was sacrificing my career for work.  This is not balance.  I knew there were ways out there to work, make money, and keep my career in the foreground.  That is balance.  This is what I decided I wanted.

My last day at my current job, the bar, will be not this Saturday but the following, and I have to be honest: I've never felt more at ease.  This is not to disrespect the bar I am at.  I've had a great time in the 2 months I've been there, which is how long they've been open.  I more respect for my current GM than I have for anyone I've ever worked for and he has a great restaurant that will only take Astoria by storm, but I decided it is a ride that I didn't want to be on.  But this feeling of ease has already paid off.  Good things have been happening at an alarming rate for me and I honestly believe it is because I am starting to take care of myself and bring balance back to my life.  To quote my first blog, I am practicing Ahimsa, the practice of doing no harm.  I am starting to take care of the inside of me.

So at class today, something very awesome happened.  I started sweating, but not my normal sweat load.  It was like I was breaking some Amazonian fever.  I was starting to sweat in the opening meditation.  There were times I had to take a knee because I was getting over heated and felt I was going to pass out.  And I was so happy for it.

Why?

Because it was all the stress and toxins and negative feelings I've had over the past who knows how long from overwork and under-pursuit.  I was releasing myself (figuratively) of all the imbalance I've had in my life and just plugged through.  It was truly an amazing experience.

So if something doesn't feel right in your life, chances are something truly isn't right.  When a car's alignment isn't right, it veers to the left or right.  It's not balanced.  It doesn't have a straight path.  When a tightrope walker holding one of those long balancing rods has more rod on one side than the other, the walker is going to tip over to the overloaded side.  I wasn't tipping over, I was falling constantly.  Not any more.

So listen to your life and acknowledge your heart.  Find the balance because it is always there.  My Dad always told me to be right with myself because no matter if you get married and however long that lasts, there is always one person that you wake up with everyday: You.  You have to be right with yourself and do what makes you happy and the best You before you can be happy anywhere else.

To thine ownself be true (my personal mantra)

And to close it out, a little quote from Mr. Miyagi: "Whole life have a balance.  Everything be better.  Understand?

Abide and ramble on
Stish

Soundtrack: 'Frozen Man' by James Taylor, 'I'm Old Fashioned' by Judy Garland, 'Walking in Memphis' by Marc Cohn

The soundtrack are the songs that played while I was writing this ramble