Harry Was Right, One Really is the Loneliest Number

"Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared."
- Buddha


"Don't surround yourself with yourself/Move on back two squares"
- Yes (Jon Anderson), 'I've Seen All Good People'


I have a feeling this will be a shorter one today.

Today's blog was a tough one from the get-go. A tough one to conceptualize, a tough one to start, and I'm sure a tough one to stay focused on, partially because I am writing this at my office job and can't have any music playing. I'm currently in the thick of producing two shows, one that opens tomorrow and one that opens the following week, and this process has been a bit stressful, and I blame no one but myself. Procrastination hit me hard with these two shows and we started behind the 8-ball on all of it. Everything from casting to starting rehearsals and the marketing of the shows, it all has been incorporated too late into the process there's really no one to blame here but myself. And for a while I was really down on myself and sat on my couch in a paralyzing pout.

But then I remembered some advice I got from my dad and a band from the 70s and 80s: Don't surround yourself with yourself.

You are allowed to ask for help. And, in actuality, I believe one is a better leader and more responsible when he/she realizes that help is needed and asks for it.

The more you wallow and sulk and mope (which I could give masterclasses on), the more you get trapped in the hold of You, and when you are feeling that way that's an unbreakable hold.

Instead, take a step back, or two. Examine the situation. It doesn't matter whether it's producing a show, moving to a new home or apartment, planning a vacation, if you're fighting with a friend of loved one, etc etc etc, if you are feeling overwhelmed or out of your element, just reset yourself. Take a step and see what is actually going on and then ask for help. It doesn't matter if it's a lot of help or a little. It doesn't matter if it's hiring a friend to design three posters for you in 48 hours or just asking someone to get some coffee with you so you can vent and let it all out, ask for it. What's the worst that could happen? They say no and you move on to the next friend.

And don't limit yourself to just one friend or one outlet of relief. Do whatever you need to do to get a firm, controlled grip on the situation and back in control with a level head. Like Buddha said 'the life of the candle will not be shortened.' Your life will not be damaged or weakened the more you ask for help and take care of yourself. But like a single candle in a room lighting multiple, the room gets brighter, and so does your life by welcoming more charity and help into it. But the flame does not dwindle. It acts as a role model for the other candles to present themselves by.

So next time you are cuddled up on your couch, cradling Ben and Jerry under one arm, channel surfing with no intended destination, take a step back. See where you are and see what you need done and I guarantee not only is there someone out there that can help you, but would be nothing but happy to help you.

Spread your flame, let someone spread their flame to you, light up the room brighter than it was before, and know that other people are (sometimes) better company than you.

Ramble on
Stish

You Can Run...But You Shouldn't

So it's been quite a while since my last post because, honestly, I just lost interest.  But a few weeks ago, a very good friend of mine asked me why I stopped writing.  I told him I didn't stop.  I'm currently working on three scripts (a screenplay, a musical, and a one-act) as well as doctoring an old script.  I told him that I am also submitting stories and poems and essays to online publications.

"What about your blog?" he asked.

"Oh, that." I quite eloquently retorted.  "I don't know.  I guess I just lost interest."

He said that he really enjoyed reading my posts and that he wished I'd start them back up again.  Honestly, I agreed with him.  I loved sitting down with a cup of coffee, my iTunes playing aimless DJ, and my phone (hopefully) in the other room.

Honestly I just stopped writing because I felt I had run out of things that I thought people wanted to hear.  Here I was, a 25 year old bartender and yet-to-be-discovered actor/writer/director/producer nestled comfortably two notches above the poverty line in New York doling out rambles and advice one might find in the inspirational section of their local Hallmark store.

But the bottom line is this....I still have things to say.  For those of you that know me well, you know I will always have something to say.  That's just the kind of guy that I am.   So how was I going to start this blog up again.  I knew I still had a lot to say, but I didn't know what on.  I didn't know what to start everything with.  Then it hit me.

For about a year now, I've been getting daily emails from people called Thoughtful Mind Daily Quotes.  I get an email every morning of an inspiring quote said by someone throughout history.  Sometimes they are also funny, poignant, ponderous, religious in tone, but they always elicit something from me: a commentary.  I delete most of them but about once or twice a week, I get one that really sticks with me and makes me say "Hunh" as I simultaneously sit back in whatever seat I find myself in when I open the e-mail....or stop in the middle of a New York street and get yelled at.  So I figured, why not do a ramble on a quote that I have found particularly interesting and ended up saving?  So I said to myself, I said, "Self.  Let's write.  Let's start each blog with the quote and the author and go from there."

So without further ado, I have my cup of coffee in my Charlie Brown 'Good Grief' mug to my left, my iTunes currently on shuffle, not knowing what will come next, be it a smoky ballad by Tom Waits or an eleven o'clock number by Sutton Foster or Norm Lewis, and my phone, well, somewhere.

This quote was mailed to me on October 22nd, 2014:

(REPRISE OF A DISCLAIMER: These blog posts are written straight through and published without going back over and fixing any syntax or grammar.  I want you to get the rawest thoughts from me and my grammar, when raw, usually sounds like it came from someone that just finished painting on a cave wall or walloping his family's dinner over the head with a club.)

   “Running away from any problem only increases the distance from the solution. The easiest way to escape from the problem is to solve it.”

― Unknown 

This quote really does mean a lot to me because this is a problem that I suffer from and always have.  As good as a leader as I am and refusal to back down from a challenge is about as strong as the smell coming from an Irish co-op building on St. Patty's Day, I do have the habit of avoiding the small problems or hiccups, especially the ones that I feel I have disappointed someone with or could possibly harm my imagine in someone's eye.  I am a people pleaser.  That's the truth about me.  That's the blessing and the curse about being Dave.  I like people to like me.  I don't know why, but I get a lot of anxiety when I know that I have ruffled someone's impression of me.  Call it vanity, call it arrogance, call it late for dinner, I don't really know, but it's something I don't like to know that has happened.  So instead of dealing with the problem head on and immediately, I put it on the back burner's back burner and deal with something else.  All the while, the problem stews in my head like the corned beef and cabbage stinking up that Irish co-op and I start playing mental games with myself.

This might help, an example.  When I was thirteen, or around there, I was on a Metro Baseball team based out of Howard County and we did a lot of traveling.  One particular tournament took my dad and I down to Faber, VA.  I was having a particularly rough tournament this time around and was rapidly loosing faith in myself and was feeling even worse cause I felt that, with every strike out or ground out, my team was losing faith in me.  After one particular game, the camel's back was broken.  I don't remember what caused this meltdown of mine.  It could've been another shoddy day at the plate.  It could've been a botched play in the field.  It could've been the mass amount of hormones currently swarming through my body like Braveheart and his lads as they stampeded down the hill.  Whatever it was, I melted down.  My dad tried everything he could to make me feel better, but at this point he knew it was best just to let me run the pity party out and a few buckets later, I'd be just fine.  So as we were on our way to the next field for the next game of the day, we realized that no one on the field was wearing the same color blue uniform that I was wearing.  And they were younger and smaller than me.  I went puberty at a young age but I definitely didn't have a growth spurt in those 20 minutes that I was in my dad's Toyota Avalon.  So dad consulted the schedule and we realized we were at the wrong field.  GREAT!  Not only did I either strike out, or make an error, or have uncontrollable Scottish hormones that was making my team lose faith in me, I led dad to the wrong baseball field and now I was late to the next ball game.

So we finally pull up to the right field and the game is well on it's way.  I was mortified and couldn't/didn't want to leave the car.  Dad then went into Dad mode:  Best Friend Setting (this is the best part of my dad).  For a while he tried to talk me down from the proverbial ledge I was on and honestly I can't remember one word that he said.  But then he said something to me that, to this day, I haven't forgot and have spread to many of my friends.  He said:

"Nothing ever turns out as bad as we perceive it will in our heads."

F**k he's a smart dude.  And was right.

I pulled myself out of his car, walked to the field, entered the dugout, fully expecting to be yelled at by my coach or told I was off the team and just head back to Baltimore.  But instead, my coach took me to the edge of the bench, sat down with me, and asked if I was ok.  He saw something wasn't right after the last game and got really concerned when I hadn't made it to the next game on time.  He thought I was half way back to Baltimore and was giving up on everything.

I wasn't anything special of a ballplayer.  I'll be honest.  I was a decent catcher, an infrequent hitter, and mostly a bench warmer.  But coach loved having me on that team because of my attitude.  He said I was never a quitter.  I always was trying to be better and that made my teammates want to be better.  He said the last thing he wanted to see was me to quit.

Two innings later I was subbed into the game.  I have no idea what I did that game.  I don't know if I struck out, grounded out, hit a double, walked, fielded a clean ground ball, made a diving catch, committed two errors, not a clue.  All that I know is that, at the end of that half inning when I came back to the field, and my teammates made the third out in the field and came back to the dugout, all of them greeted me like they hadn't seen me in years.  They all were worried that I had quit.  That was something I had no expected.

In my head, I expected them to ostracize me like that kid in school that had halitosis so bad that it could peel the varnish off the tetherball pole.  I thought they would've been glad that I left for good cause that meant one less strikeout in the lineup and one less player they had to pretend to like.  In my head, I thought my coaches would bench me for the rest of the tournament and then have a sit down with me once we got back to Baltimore to discuss whether I should stay on the team.

But none of that was the case.  I had made all that up in my head and what actually happened?...not that bad at all.  I had made it all up in my head.  And why?  Because I was running away from the problem.  I had put distance between myself and the solution, which, in this case, was having a short memory and knowing that a game was like a day.  They happen, they have their own beginning, middle, and end and the game I just played should have no bearing on what game I'm about to play or had played prior.  All that matters is what happens in that game currently and then you move on to the next.  I could go 0-4 in one game but as soon as the next game starts, I'm 0-0 again and have a new slate to carve into anything I want.

So if you are fearing anything, beset by some problem that is looming over you and you keep avoiding it or putting smaller, menial tasks in front of it because you may be afraid or anxious about what will happen once the problem is faced, I say don't.  Tackle it head first, guns blazing, chest up high, and with confidence, because the longer it bounces around your head like some glitched game of Pong, the crazier the outcome will seem and the more real you will think it to be.  Take on that problem and I promise, with everything in my being, that the outcome will never be as bad as you are making it up to be in your head.  Because the bottom line is problems will always spring up on you.  That's life.  It's a game of Whack-A-Mole.  Problems will always pop-up on you after you nix two problems out.  That's just how it works.  But deal with each one as they come about and keep your headspace free for positive thoughts, strategies to solve the problems, and feelings of adequacy.  Easier said than done, I know.  But we all have to start somewhere.

And we all know this to be true, once you can strike a problem off your list, how f**king good does that feel?  Bring it on!

Ramble on,
Stish

This ramble's playlist:
- 'Cortez the Killer' by Neil Young
- 'Never Tear Us Apart' by INXS
- 'Going to California (Live)' by Led Zeppelin
- 'In the Ghetto' by Elvis Presley
- 'Moon in the Gutter' by Jack Rose
- 'Whipping Post' by The Allman Brothers
- 'When the Earth Stopped Turning' sung by Carolee Carmello, by William Finn
- 'Louise' by Dean Martin
- 'Shine' by Collective Soul
- 'Have a Drink on Me' by AC/DC
- 'Margaritaville' by Jimmy Buffett